#i’m also very obviously fascinated to get to know her character bc i desperately need to know if she and merrill would get along or not

[paigemathews]

I would love to read more about your thoughts on Cole! It's refreshing to see someone who doesn't like him either! Please do share more soon :D Can I ask did you ever like him? Or him and Phoebe or did you always not like him? I hated him and him with Phoebe from the beginning find it hard to watch their scenes if I'm honest.

Full transparency, as always: I desperately need to do a full rewatch at some point, lmao. I’ve watched episodes with Cole in them recently-ish, but I really haven’t sat down and actually watched through his entire arc in a while. I know that as soon as I do that, my opinions are probably gonna shift again lmao but my answers for now.

See, I’ve been trying to think about it for a good five to ten minutes and I honestly don’t know what my original thoughts on Cole were. My Charmed hyperfixation started when I was thirteen, and I’m turning twenty three this year and a lot of my opinions have remained. not entirely the same, but similar since I was at least fifteen or sixteen. 

My best guess is that I was probably more neutral than anything about Cole at first. My favorite character was Chris and the next gen, so Cole didn’t really feature v much, y’know, busy being dead and all. Y’know, who I did (and still do lmao) like though? Coop. And the issue is that I read like pretty much any Charmed fic I could get my hands on and I very quickly realized that a lot of Cole fans would go out of there way to vilify Coop, kill him off, etc. all in the name of Cole being “Phoebe’s true love” or whatever, which I Did Not vibe with. And I’ve noticed this with over fandoms I’m in, but when fans woobify and glorify a character, I tend to really dislike it and it unfortunately turns into me disliking the character themselves. While I try to prevent that now, Cole was unfortunately the first example for me so. 

For the character himself though, I think both he and his dynamic with Phoebe are really interesting. It’s one of the things that are constantly floating around in the back of my head, but the way that Cole views romantic vs. familial relationships in contrast to the sisters? Like Cole basically sacrifices his father’s soul when he kills the Triad to be with Phoebe, and contrast that to his expectation for Phoebe to choose him over his sisters. Hell, his reasoning to Piper in Y Tu Mummy Tambien about how she’ll obviously choose Phoebe over Paige. (Side note, I could have sworn that I’ve at least mentioned that before on this blog but I searched for fifteen minutes and found zilch, which boo.) Like Cole’s perspective on relationships is actually fascinating bc it contrasts so much against the sisters’ perspectives, y’know?

Also his backstory is really interesting! We don’t ever actually get confirmation that his mom is vanquished, so what was that relationship like? The Brotherhood of the Thorn, being a favorite of the Source, etc. are all things that I’m really curious about. He really let us get a deeper and more thorough look into the Underworld, which was neat bc I am here for the Magic Stuff.

Plus, his dynamic with Phoebe? How she fundamentally thinks that he is a better person than he is? How in the Demonic Wasteland, he asks her to use the Grimoire (which requires you to be evil to even touch) after everything? When he comes back in s5, his attempt to intimidate Phoebe and create “character witnesses” for his abuse? The writers weren’t intending to, but the relationship that they actually wrote kind of builds to that tragic/horrifying climax where a destroyed Phoebe doesn’t even hesitate to vanquish him because of what he turned her into as the Source. Like the writers were all over the map with that relationship, but even when they were trying to write a love story, there’s that dissonance between them.

Again, I don’t think that he’s a good person. His writing tended to be inconsistent as hell and they flip-flopped all over the damn place. Phoebe almost always viewed him through rose-tinted glasses and thought that he was a better man than he actually was, which he never actually set her straight on. Ultimately, their relationship was incredibly toxic, manipulative, and abusive. His redemption failed because he never wanted redemption. He wanted to become good, yes, but not for the sake of being good or making reparations. He wanted Phoebe’s love. Hell, I think that he knew that he didn’t really care about being good beyond just wanting to be good for Phoebe, but his morality is warped that he thought that was chill. (Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought Phoebe knew that, tbh.) That said, I think he was an interesting character and at the very least, I still want to examine his psychology at some point bc there is. A Lot going on there.

The other thing is that with different writing, I’d have probably gone to hell and back with their relationship. Like, I’ve said before, but Bianca is what Cole fans pretend he is: tragic backstory forced into the life of a killer, falls in love with a Warren witch that plays some role in the initial beginning of their redemption, backslides on that road to redemption when faced with a stronger enemy, ultimately redeems themselves, and is also still capable of redemption (probably because Bianca is like 26 and could only commit so many crimes in that amount of time in contrast to Cole’s two whole ass centuries of murder). And her and Chris are both my favorite characters and my favorite ship. With better writing, I can absolutely imagine Cole being one of my favorite characters and Phoebe x Cole being one of my favorite ships, but that isn’t what happened.

[bestworstcase]

Think she assumes he's waiting until he feels he's done enough for humanity's redemption and calls down the Gods, which she doesn't want success or fail, and if my brainworms are right Salem's grand goal for having all the Relics is to, sit on them so no one else can put them together. Like Ozpin. Because both of them thinks the other is gonna end the world and Salem is going around terrorizing the world because that's her best idea for making sure Ozpin never believes he's achieved the terms.

oh i’m 100% certain salem believes ozma is still trying to fulfill the divine mandate and is debasing himself in service to the gods generally; there’s also no doubt in my mind that salem thinks there is zero chance under any circumstances that the gods will rule in humanity’s favor, because she knows exactly what the brothers are like. so while it’s clear that this level of destruction is new for her—ozma wouldn’t have been able to keep her a secret if she was knocking kingdoms down on the regular—i assume she’s been fucking with every significant peace he’s been able to cobble together so as to prevent him from ever deciding humankind is sufficiently united to bring the relics together.

but the impression i get is that salem thinks ozma has A PLAN, not in the nebulous sense of “summon gods once unity is achieved” but a specific series of actions that he has prepared and is executing, or his followers are executing on his behalf, right now. which he does, sort of, in the most general sense of “keep the relics locked up” but—she obviously thinks there’s something more complicated afoot. (4.3 she hears from summer rose her mystery lieutenant and seems to be concerned that 1. ozpin might have survived or 2. the crown might not be at beacon; the last thing she says in that scene is a puzzled “what are you planning?” like—her perspective of this conflict is that ozpin has an agenda she is trying to figure out and get ahead of, and she’s wrong because we know he has no plan? but this fascinates me bc it suggests salem has a fundamentally different understanding of what she’s doing than the heroes do.)

anyway,

if all salem wanted was to make it impossible for ozma—or anyone—to summon the gods, all she’d need to do is get one and bury it somewhere. she doesn’t need all four. ozma went after all four because 1. he did in fact intend to see his task through, which meant he planned on triggering judgment day eventually, 2. he thought he might be able to use them to destroy salem, and 3. he didn’t want other people misusing them. the latter two are of no relevance to salem, and she could foil the first objective merely by securing one of the three; that she self-evidently IS going for more than one suggests that she is in fact planning to use them—either the relics themselves, or by putting them together to summon the gods.

personally? i think she’s still on the defeat-and-usurp-the-gods plan, and she’s making her move now because she thinks she’s found a viable way to do it. the relics are bait to get them to come back so she can kill them—or whatever it is specifically she plans on doing. (though i’m not yet ruling out the possibility that the gods are already returning and salem 1. knows about it and 2. assumes ozpin summoned them on purpose; it’s been shown that magic—the staff—can’t just blink stuff from point a to point b, there’s travel involved, so a divine return across astronomical distances could very well take a significant amount of time!)

i don’t think she would ever be satisfied just keeping one or all of the relics and staying in this holding pattern; she’s not like ozma. the core of her character is relentless and increasingly desperate efforts to free herself—first from her father, then from the tyrannical gods and the torment they’ve inflicted on her. by necessity immortality has made her very patient and methodical but whatever her intentions might be specifically, they’re definitely moving forward towards a goal of change; “and so we must press on.” etc etc

[gwyns]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone draw parallels between Feyre leaving Tamlin for her Mate to Elain leaving Azriel for her Mate. (Ignoring the fact I hate Rhysand, the books obviously want me to think he's the best person ever so I'll just pretend). Because that's what I see happening.

Elain and Azriel are so clearly rebounds for one another. Elain's still grieving her human love and life, and Azriel is still hung up on Mor. They're both quiet and available, so they jump to each other. That's it. The Azriel POV was purely about what he wants. How he wants to fuck her and taste her. He's just sex to her.

Even if E/riels had a more convincing case, it's not like SJM hasn't pulled a SIKE on us before. If she goes anywhere with E/riel, she'll undoubtedly pull it back. SJM doesn't take Mating bonds lightly, and she's stated that she loves Lucien. And if anyone deserves the happiness of a bond, it's him.

Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, all had relationships/lovers before Mating. Elain "liking" Az now, (which we're not even clear on), doesn't really mean much.

I'd like to hear your thoughts! You're so good at this, and you always explain my thoughts so perfectly. Love and light 💕💕💕

honestly there are quite a few feysand/elucien parallels that people either don't see or choose to ignore.

rhysand was first presented as a villain to feyre, the same could be applied to lucien just bc of his envolvement with tamlin (that he wrongfully gets blamed for btw idk why e/riels love blaming tamlin's mistakes on lucien). feyre was engaged before she went to rhys, elain was engaged before she met lucien. both were/are? still hung up on their former fiances. feysand as a couple represents the night, elucien would represent (at least in part) day. it's literally night and day with them. they're similar but also wholly their own pairing, it's fascinating to me.

anyway i think i will use this ask to spill some of my e/riel opinions sorry about that! alright let's start off with this controversial statement: i don't think e/riel was ever meant to be endgame.

i've seen it said a few times over the years that sarah changed her mind about elucien and while that's possible bc she also previously changed her mind on lucien and nesta one has to ask themselves..... if she wanted to write a mate bond rejection why didn't she stick with her original plan of lucien and nesta being mates? she's said herself that they wouldn't work but she chose to change lucien's mate to someone who compliments him better, and it's to feyre's other sister no less. that tells me lucien is important and powerful, he's mated to one of the sisters, one of the key players of the entire series.

another point is we can assume (and we could be wrong, let me put this here before someone yells at me or vague blogs about it) that sjm had an elucien endgame in mind when writing acowar, right? and when she was touring for that book hadn't she already started work on acofas? and we know that she's never on social media, so if she had an elucien endgame in mind when she wrote all of the supposed e/riel "evidence" where does that leave us?

drama. tension. conflict. angst.

i think that's what it all comes down to. people will say that elucien was a front while e/riel is the true endgame but... it all seems a bit easy, doesn't it? e/riel is right in your face while elucien is silently brewing in the background. what if the bait and switch isn't elucien, but e/riel?

sarah has shown us before that she likes to use her characters as ways for her other characters to end up with their endgame matches. for example, without tamlin, feyre wouldn't have met rhys. and moving over to throne of glass for a second, if not for chaol, aelin wouldn't have met rowan. and in turn, if aelin hadn't given yrene the money she needed in tab, chaol wouldn't have met her.

are the e/riel scenes romantically coded? yes, probably. i'm not saying they aren't, some people picked up on it but i personally didn't get that vibe myself, especially in acowar, but acofas kinda blurred the lines a bit. but even then, i didn't think they'd work out and i still don't understand the arguments that are supposed to be in their favor from that book. elain says she doesn't want a male so that excludes lucien but not azriel somehow? that line means she doesn't want any fae, she wants a human man, she wants graysen. then we have lucien saying he can't even stand to be in the same room as elain which i never read as a "oh i hate this person" kinda way. no, it's bc the whole situation between them is awkward and it obviously makes both of them uncomfortable. it doesn't help when literally all of the inner circle is constantly around them, and being in the night court in general doesn't give them the privacy to get to know each other.

some people like to ask why build e/riel up at all if they're not going to be together? one thing i've always loved about sjm's books is how she can write relationships. now, let's say you meet someone irl and you like them, eventually maybe fall in love with them, and fail to notice how they're not good for you. maybe everyone around you can see it, but you don't. you want a relationship and you're in a decent one, it should work out. like they're not a bad person, this relationship just isn't right for you in the long run. why waste your time? it's life. sometimes things are good for you at a certain point in time but not later on. sometimes you just end up in a relationship that was never good for you. sometimes you fall out of love with someone. you're constantly learning and adapting to things and that's my stance on e/riel. i think they're both looking for companionship and they're the "safest" and most available option.

taking it back to acofas, azriel was relived to not have to get elain a gift and was still gazing longingly at mor. now in acosf he's avoiding talking about her while wanting to fuck elain and getting defensive when helion mentions mor. he's not over her. he's not going to just completely forget 500 years of pining bc elain showed up, especially when they haven't even helped one another to move on. if they had, we would have seen the proof of that. not just "oh she's hot we both want sex", that doesn't make a healthy relationship.

as for elain, she's been taught she has to act a certain way her entire life. she has to downplay her trauma and emotions to appease others so they don't worry about her. maybe she's even had visions involving lucien that upset/scare her somehow and she's reaching out for something else. i think they're both lonely and desperate (at least on az's end) for someone that they ultimately are drawn to the wrong people.

as for the lack of elucien development... this is how i see it. if they're endgame, why would sarah have all of their big moments happen off screen or as a throwaway line in acosf? elain is getting a book, we know this, and with how much of the story is tied to lucien and how much is left unresolved with him, we can also assume he'd get a pov at some point. so imo it makes sense for the fact we got little to no development for them in acosf. no, she wants a huge wedge between them so we can watch them come together. the payoff will be that much sweeter. kinda similar to how she put a wedge between nessian before acosf, sure they had more development in acowar than elucien but i think that's bc sarah knew they'd get the first spinoff. she had to give them that development whereas elucien can wait, a bit longer. it's frustrating yes but i do think we'll get something in acotar 5.

maybe i'm an optimistic fool, maybe sarah did at one point have an endgame in mind for them, but i find it hard to believe she wouldn't see how wrong they are for each other in the long run. she's very good at showing us how well characters fit together with just a few lines.

[welllpthisishappening]

Okay can we talk about ACOSF???? Bc on booktok all I’m seeing is so much negativity about how people don’t like feysand or don’t like nesta but?? I read this book, loved it, thought nesta grew SO much and we got to see feysand from a different POV which gave them depth! Plus a baby!!! I can talk about it forever

We can absolutely talk about ACOSF. I have thoughts, feelings, opinions and this is going to get long. And, uh, any of those super negative critiques:

Alright, alright, alright, so initial feelings? I enjoyed it a lot. Like, way more than I thought I would honestly because going in I was like eh, Nessian, but I loved Nesta’s character development and the flirt-to-roast ratio with her and Cassian and every single time Cassian called her Nes or God help me ARCHERON, my soul reached another plane of existence. Don’t even get me started on that one time she called him General. The noise I made was not audible to human ears. 

That said, there were some parts that I was like: oh ok, that’s happening. So, because I cannot function without organization, let’s break down some of the major things that happened into a LIST WITH OPINIONS ATTACHED

Sexual Tension Fucking fuck, these two idiots. Pining after each other while both desperately wanting someone, anyone, to be like — please stay in bed and cuddle me all night?!?! Idiots. Both of them flush with power and the ability to make people legit terror before them and they’re so goddamn soft with each other. Which is kind of hysterical because they are also able to rip each other to shreds? Oh my God, some of those fight scenes, I just—my heart was in my throat. And I do not want to hear a single word of how CASSIAN IS MEAN TO NESTA? Were we reading the same book, internet? Bro is In Love. From the G E T. 

Which leads us to—

S O L S T I C E  God, rip my romantic-loving heart out of my body. Learning what was in the box from the solstice before made me screech and then the music. THE MUSIC. Can we talk about Cassian, feared general, dude who has canonically lost track of how many people he has killed, cornering an ENTIRE ORCHESTRA to recreate music for Nesta? I just—f u c k. It was a lot. A lot. And then we circle back around to how soft they were and there’ll never be another and I am going to have to pace around a bit. I loved it. I love them. I nearly screamed when it took Nesta a few more chapters to realize it was a mating bond, and then Cassian just bolted because he also couldn’t quite deal with it, and I am still not super sold on the mating bond, like, as a thing, but I kind of went into this book pretty certain this was going to happen, so...good. Also them arguing by the Sidra, oof. 

There was a lot of sex in this book. I knew there was going to be a lot of sex in this book. I must have told my husband four different times, “God, there is a lot of sex in this book.” Some of it was good. Some of it was kind of cloying in its descriptions. I genuinely lol’ed at Nesta fantasizing about being straight up railed by both Cassian and Azriel. (Why was that in there? Still don’t really know, felt a lot like very obvious fan service, but it was also kind of hysterical.)

JEALOUSY DIDN’T MAKE ME WANT TO RIP MY EYES OUT I hate jealousy plots. HATE THEM. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves in relationship writing, but I was super into it here??? Cassian cutting in on the dance and TAKING DANCING LESSONS. It was good. I enjoyed it. 

Nesta’s Power Yo. YO. This was really cool. She was terrifying and out of control, while also learning how to be in control and intimidating and I was like YES, GET IT. When Rhys flew into the House and Nesta was just wrapped in silver flames, that was super cool. Also Rhys being freaked out by her? Kind of bad ass, honestly. But. But! I wish it was explored even more. I wish we got to learn what she could really do and the extent to which she could do it, because I thought it was a fascinating possibility to parallel Nesta to Feyre and I don’t really think we got that. Like, Feyre Cursebreaker — with power given from all the High Lords, this bringer of new life and a fresh start for all the courts. Then her sister — with power stolen from the Cauldron itself and death at her fingertips. With all the comparisons of Feyre and Nesta, I really figured we’d be gunning towards that eventually ESPECIALLY with Feyre being pregnant, and the idea of life in that capacity. Also, what was the point of Lucien saying “Gods help you all” or whatever he said when he was watching Nesta train if...nothing ever really came from that? We’ll circle back around to that in a second, during what will be my ending-based soliloquy, but first let’s talk about—

Feyre Being Pregnant, Why That Kind of Felt Like Twilight and Why I Get Why Rhys Was Being an Idiot Listen, part of the reason I wanted to read this book was for what I assumed would be the Feysand crumbs we’d get. Most of me was convinced that this book would not take place in Velaris and I was mentally prepared for that. Color me pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t and we got an IC feast. But. But! Part two! I’ve mentioned how I’m never really here for...pregnancy being like this ultimate endgame, and I understand why Feysand wanted a kid and I get it, I do. Just the whole thing with she’s going to DIE felt very Bella Swan, was kind of dramatic in mela-sort of way and I TOTALLY GET WHY RHYS KEPT THE WINGS A SECRET. Was it idiotic? Yeah, of course. But I don’t think we talk about his trauma enough, really. Those fifty years under the Mountain are not just gong to disappear, and I cannot really blame him for totally losing his mind at even the idea of Feyre dying. This is not a dude who is trying to control Feyre. I’ve never felt that way about Rhys. At all. This is a dude who has already lost ALL of HIS control and is desperately trying to hang on. He’s already had his entire world shattered six ways to Sunday, this was obviously going to destroy him. Aside from, y’know, straight up killing him too. (That was dumb, guys.) And I think telling Feyre would have made it REAL for Rhys, which he obviously could not cope with. Was I surprised that Feyre’s pregnancy was such a big plot point in a book that was supposed to be super Nessian focused? Yeah, for sure. But also—I like established relationships and Feyre and Rhys could not stop making eyes at each other. Not totally here for the deadly pregnancy trope, not totally here for using family as a trauma recovery, but sort of understand it. 

Training, Valkyries and Friendship Bracelets Like I said, I thought this book was gong to take place in the Illyrian camps way more than it did, but I L O V E D the training sessions. Adored Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn’s friendship and how often they teamed up to snark Cassian and Azriel. I was painfully here for all three of them together and the sleepover in the House warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart. Especially when the bracelets proved so important during the Blood Rite. Which—let’s talk about the Blood Rite. Didn’t expect that!! Was pleasantly surprised by that!! Nesta drawing the literal line in the dirt made me fist pump the air. (And is another parallel to Feyre and her taking inspiration from old Fae legends, but that’s neither here nor there, whatever I’m not here to harp on missed opportunity.) I thought it was really important that all three of them got to showcase their own power too, and how they worked SO WELL together and I was just really glad that there was such focus on this sisterhood outside of literal sisterhood. I thought those relationships were so well done and it was just such a joy to read about their growth and strength and I loved them. Am I here for Gwyn and Azriel? Maybe. Possibly more here for Emerie and Mor? Maybe maybe. 

The House I thought it was Amren, for a very long time. Like secretly helping Nesta still and I was really into that idea and really into Amren not being able to totally let Nesta go and I wasn’t really into Nesta bowing to Amren. 

THE ENDING Oh my God, so much happened. So quickly. With some occasionally jarring scene cuts. The Blood Rite surprised me, but I was not surprised by Cassian getting ensnared by the crown. Fully expected something like that to happen, was still making ridiculous noises when he tried to turn the dagger on himself instead of killing Nesta. LOST MY MIND WHEN NESTA UNMADE THE QUEEN. I’m still sort of...confused about the Trove, though. I know there are a fair number of hanging plot threads that are gong to lead into other stories, but I just—I don’t know, when they were talking about the High King and everything I sort of thought they were leading towards Nessian being that. I know the whole IC was very into Rhys and thematically it made sense, but also let’s consider—I don’t want that? Rhys needs to get his shit in order and his own Court to calm the fuck down and again I think the potential for LORD OF THE BASTARDS and LADY DEATH to ascend to this position of power and lead the world into this new era was there and I just, I don’t know, I liked the idea of it. Particularly when so many people have referred to Nesta as a Queen. That whole thing in the prison happened, y’know? I’m not sure (read: I’m fairly positive) that won’t happen now, especially because Nesta gave up so much of her power to save Feyre. And I know that’s a TALKING POINT™ but also...I was pretty cool with that? Once it came out that Feyre was going to die, it made sense that Nesta would be the one to save her—to twist death again, and kind of seize control of it. Granted, I’m still a little confused by the Trove and what everyone’s going to do with all that power, but Nesta saving Feyre was this perfect sort of wrap up. For me, at least. I think they balance each other out in a lot of respects, and that was really the last step of Nesta’s growth. Also, uh, back on my Feysand ‘ish and Rhys screaming and crying and trying to get to Feyre? o o o f. Also, also, RHYS BOWING TO NESTA. I CANNOT TELL YOU THE LAST TIME I CRIED AT A BOOK, BUT I CRIED AT THIS BOOK. RHYS, BABY, I ADORE YOU. 

Nesta Finding Herself I just really—liked it. I think sometimes in these sorts of stories we get people who are so focused on characters being “the bitch” and having an edge and we have a tendency to think that’s what makes them STRONG. Nah, that ain’t it, son. I don’t want to read about someone being a dick just for sake of being a dick. Nesta was NOT IN A GOOD PLACE. She was self-imploding and destroying herself and getting her POV made it blatantly clear that she thought she deserved that. That she truly believed she didn’t deserve anyone else. And as much as the romance was good and the friendships were fantastic, the key to this story was Nesta (as cheesy as it sounds) learning to love herself. To find worth in her own self. Reading about Nesta simply learning to want to live again, for no one except herself, was really, really good and I think, for the most part, well done. Which is why it makes sense that Nesta gives up some of her power. This isn’t about being A BAD BITCH, PATENT PENDING. This is about love, and joy and embracing your own faults. I get the disappointment over Nesta losing her power. I do. But I’m not sure she totally did? Maybe that’s too positive, or too naive, or something, but...whatever. 

Other things that I really enjoyed, include but are not limited to: Cassian having allergies Nesta absolutely decimating Tamlin. And Tamlin’s just like...a lion all the time now, huh? And, uh, also is Tamlin Gwyn’s dad??? Like, is that a thing? Am I crazy?  Nesta telling Elain to fuck off (Also, Elain—darling, I wish you got more character development. Elain is to SJM what Belle is to me in CS fic. Sometimes I think she just forgets about her.) Azriel calling out Cassian for getting BLOWN at the dining room table Azriel getting Nesta a Solstice gift and then THEY HUGGED Nesta wanting an over the top mating ceremony. Get it, girl.  Feyre going full on Court of Nightmares in the Hewn City Nesta making it down the steps

Other things I thought we’d get more of and just...didn’t Whatever the fuck Lucien has been up to, and more on the continent with Vassa and Juran More stuff in Illyria Reaction to the trio in the Blood Rite Amren and Nesta reconciling. I know Nesta apologized, but Amren kind of got on my nerves.  Nesta understandably criticizing the IC and their tendency to get a little sanctimonious.  THREE SISTER PEAKS. THREE BAT BOYS. THREE VALKYRIE. WHAT IS IT SARAH? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 

[bladesoflightandshadow]

what are your thoughts on the three li in rod?? who are you romancing?

i actually started writing this a few days ago and only managed to catch up with rod yesterday, so HERE are my final thots on the rod lis now that ive already revealed myself for the fool that i am

(this ended up being mostly an excuse for me to rant about logan because. i love one (1) man) (also it’s literally so long i’m sorry you probably weren’t expecting all this anon)

so initially my plan was to string logan along so i wouldn’t get bored while waiting for mona’s diamond scenes to start showing up bc she was meant to be my endgame but……..i ended up liking him way more than i anticipated ! and now he’s my prom date and i guess my final choice 🤡

for real though he’s literally so sweet, and his and mc’s relationship felt like it developed really naturally? like logan is obviously really hardened from living as a criminal and from having to fend for himself pretty much from the moment he was born, but underneath that exterior there’s this desperate need for connection and a desire for normalcy that makes all of his scenes with mc really sweet and also really tragic. i think logan’s genuine devotion to mc is what sets him apart–while colt is occupied with proving himself to his dad and later avenging him, and mona’s detachedness makes it difficult to get her to open up, logan has pretty much worn his heart on his sleeve around mc since they met. he has no issue telling her exactly how he feels about her, and even when he has to lie to her, you can tell exactly how much it pains him to have to do so.

logan so very rarely lets people in, but you can kind of tell by how easily he seems to fall for mc that it’s more of a case of people never giving him a chance, and always hurting him when he does try, rather than a genuine lack of desire to connect with someone, if that makes sense? this boy is literally so starved for love, not just romantic, but also in the sense of wanting a family and crew that cares about him. (you can literally TELL how he has to grit through his teeth when he tells mc that the crew meant nothing to him; no matter how much he says otherwise, he wanted to find a family in them, wanted to trust kaneko, so badly.)

outside of that he’s literally the sweetest and most supportive boyfriend you could have?? he’s never condescending to mc, aside from lying to her initially lmao, and even when he does eventually admit it he completely accepts that it might be the last time he sees her, never forcing her to choose him. from their first interaction he recognises how strong and intelligent she is, and he’s always reminding her of it. he supports her dreams and ideas, he helps her study, he’s literally willing to go to jail so she can get a better life, like!! logan’s genuinely so devoted to mc and i’m literally getting emotional just thinking about it, i love him so much.

MOVING ON to the other lis bc i actually do love all of them,,,,

MONA is an absolute babe. like i have a lot of Thoughts™ about the way she’s so far being written as just a side character who has little to no bearing on the plot (though with her ‘betrayal’ in the latest chapter this might change?). i can think of plenty of ways they could’ve made her more involved earlier on (which deserves its own post lmao), but as she is, she’s genuinely fascinating as a character. mona makes her intentions very clear from early on; she has no desire to form attachments with the crew or to the mc, and her loyalties will shift very easily depending on her own interests. even when she flirts with mc initially, it always feels like she’s deflecting, never letting mc know more about her than she wants her to. her relationship with mc feels just as, if not more volatile than colt’s because of her alleged lack of loyalty; she barely offers her a glance before driving off after kaneko’s death, which kind of sucked, but it was definitely her way of protecting herself from getting hurt any further. 

it makes the genuine moments she does share with mc all the more special. it’s pretty much a running theme with all the rod lis that they’re emotionally constipated yet have a deep desire for connection, even if they don’t show it–with mona, it’s subtle because she’s a lot better at hiding her feelings, yet her vulnerable moments (right before she shuts down, anyway) really leave you screaming let me love you goddammit because you know she’s been through so much shit.

there’s also the fact that she literally went through the same thing that mc is going through right now?? mona was an honor roll student who fell in love with someone who only brought her trouble, and now she’s stuck in this life of crime that she can’t leave, can’t imagine leaving. it makes her so-called 'betrayal’ in the latest chapter (if you can even call it that) a lot more poignant because the girl she was in love with betrayed her as well; now she has a chance to right those wrongs, to actually use being part of the brotherhood to help the crew and mc. like the poetic cinema of it all.

outside of that she’s honestly just really fucking hot. people kept going 'mona hot’ but like, i only now realise they’re absolutely right.

i can’t speak much on colt mainly because i didn’t really romance him, and i’m sure plenty of other people have spoken about his character, but i really like him as well (even if he is a giant ass). where mona deflects with apathy, colt deflects with anger. he’s unpredictable, and his ability to be as cold as he was during the ardizzone job was kind of scary. he’s absolutely relentless in his path to prove himself, yet underneath it all you can tell he’s doing it because he thinks it’s the right thing, or at least the best he can do given his situation. he tries to hide the hell out of it but he really does care about mc, and you can tell even if you don’t intend to romance him. he’s also just genuinely funny in his own obnoxious, smartass way, and i love him. my son.

[djemsostylist]

I watched Captain Marvel...and I think I hated it.  A Review

So like, I really hated Captain Marvel.  Well, hate’s a strong word I guess.  But given what it could have been, and what we were given instead, well.  It’s better than Gagnarok, which is faint praise, I suppose given how much I despised the last Thor outing.  

This movie had so much potential.  So. Much. Potential.  Because they actually had the bones of a good movie.  The casting, as per usual for Marvel, was spot on.  They created some really interesting characters who weren’t actually cliches like they very easily could have been.  And the idea of an origin movie that merely exists for its own sake, especially this late in the MCU lineup, is an interesting one. 

Thing is though, this one...well, it sucked.  And I think it’s entirely because of the writing and directing.  It read like a YA version of a Marvel movie.  And it’s the first time in a while that I read reviews and thought “What am I missing?”  Most of the round-up that I saw prior to the movie claimed that Sam Jackson and Ben Mendelsohn were a delight, the humor and nineties references were subtle and delightful, and that the whole movie didn’t force things on you but rather allowed the moments to breathe.  Even here--the majority of the people I follow are gushing over the movie and the relationships and the subtle building of Carol’s backstory and I’m just like....?  Because I got none of that?

Fury, as a character in this movie, makes literally no sense.  He seems a whole lot more like Sam Jackson than Nick Fury, and if this movie was attempting to show us how a young and bouncy Nicholas J. Fury became the jaded leader of SHIELD, than they fucking failed.  Fury cooing over cats and completely trusting aliens makes no sense, and rather than have him grow over the course of the movie into the Nick Fury we see today, he does...none of that?  He was frankly kind of obnoxious, and the amount of moments he dropped a not so quippy one liner the writers desperately wanted us to laugh at made me actively irritated by the end. 

Maria was a fascinating character, or she could have been?  She and Carol are wingmen test pilots, working under a female scientist developing cutting edge technology.  She’s a single mother in the military with a precocious young daughter and together with her best friend they’ve made themselves a family.  Her best friend is then killed in a horrible accident gone wrong, and she...actually I don’t know.  I’m assuming she left the Air Force perhaps because, like Sam Wilson, she had a hard time finding a reason to stay in.  At least that would be what I assume.  And maybe she always thought Carol survived and the Air Force covered up something they shouldn’t have been doing and maybe she took a quiet retirement in return for not asking questions, and maybe she always wondered what happened the day that Carol died.  I don’t know, really, since they don’t ever really allow her to do much of anything except tell Carol who she is 5 times and then suddenly decide to go into space because her daughter told her to.  We were robbed of Maria, is what I’m saying, and I think they could have given us so much more.  (Give me a story where Maria takes the retirement and the payout and moves to Louisiana but never really stops looking for answers because Carol wouldn’t just have died like that and one day she digs too deep and she runs into an Agent named Nick Fury who was looking into something too and together they discover what the Air Force tried to cover up all those years ago.  Frankly, I feel like this should have been the plotline that Earth had sans Carol, but I digress).  

Carol’s team was criminally underused.  Gemma Chan, Jude Law, Djimon Hounsou (and those other dudes)--they had virtually no part.  And it could have been fascinating.  Carol was with them for 6 years.  6 years.  That’s a ridiculously long time actually.  And she has a life there.  At least, we can assume?  She appears to have an apartment (or quarters), access to public transit, etc.  She is close to Jude Law (I refuse to call him Yon Rogg bc that is a fucking stupid name), and she is also, again ostensibly, close to his team (hereafter called Kree Team 6).  The scene with them boarding the plane for their first mission together (which totally did not feel like that at all) was interesting, and a lovely glimpse in to team and the dynamics.   I liked seeing how they fought together, their ethical views (they go out of their way not to hurt the locals/refugees, which we’ll get to later).  And I loved the look into Kree society--it felt more real and grounded than any of the alien societies (beside Asgard) that we’ve seen before.  But we get nothing from them.  Like, Gemma Chan has 3? lines?  Hounsou has maybe 2?  And Jude Law 100% feels like he was supposed to Mar Vel (and likely her lover?) before someone, sometime after way too much of the script had been written, decided not to go that direction.  Which leads me to the next question, of why not?  Because Carol doesn’t need a love interest? I mean, sure I guess, but Thor, Steve, Bruce, and Tony have all had a love interest, and I don’t think it detracted from their stories?  Like, Tony still has his bond with Rhodey, Steve obviously has his with Bucky, Thor is still codependent on Loki.  Would Carol being in a relationship with Jude Law prevent her from having an equally or more important relationship with Maria?  Like, I would have loved for about half the movie to take place with Carol still with the Kree, if only so that we could have felt something of Carol’s relationship and connection with them, which would make the revelations that much more crushing when she does find out.  Like, how much worse is it if Carol has an actual life with them (which has likely only been a little bit shorter than the amount of time she’s been in the Air Force) only to find out it’s all based off a lie?  Only, it wasn’t totally a lie because she had friends and a home and a job and a lover and a life which she wouldn’t have had if they hadn’t taken her, and yet.

I loved Carol.  Or at least, I think I did?  Reviews kept whining that Carol was brainwashed half the movie, which sure, but she was no Bucky Barnes.  And I loved that.  I loved that she has awful nightmares that wake her up and make her seek out her lovermentor to spar, but she is still herself.  Like, she isn’t deadened and unemotional and tormented.  She’s happy and scrappy and sarcastic and goofy and bouncy and a little bit of a hothead and she is still herself.  I loved the scene when she looks at the guy over the newspaper, the sly little half smile she gets when she says “Heroes.  Noble warrior heroes” like she knows she’s being a little bitch and she loves it.  I love that when she knocks on Jude Law’s door at 2:00 in the morning he can’t even pretend to be irritated with her.  I love that she banters with her team and loves her powers and isn’t afraid of dying.  I loved who Brie Larson made her in the spare few moments she had between the awful directing and the horrible lines and the things that didn’t really make sense.  I can’t wait to see her in Endgame, and much like I did with Hawkeye in Civil War, go “Oh, there’s Carol!” because she had been hiding behind a shitty plot and horrible dialog and suffocating directing for far too long.  (Also, I loved her costume and her design and the mohawk is beautiful, and her powers aren’t OP at all.)

Like, imagine if the movie is divided into Carol with the Kree slowly realizing shit ain’t what it seems and the other plotline is Fury and Maria trying to find out wtf is going on, and then they meet up in the climax to take down the bad guys.  We get to know Carol, Maria, and their relationship to each other and everyone else.  Imagine if we didn’t have to guess at literally everything.  And imagine if, in the end, Carol leaves, not because she has to guide the fucking Skrulls to a new home, but because she’s functionally immortal now, and what kind of a life does she have with Maria and Earth any more?  (Like, the movie doesn’t address this at all, but I mean, this is a Thing.  Whether it’s because she’s Kree (wtf did the blood transfusion do?) or because of her powers, she is immortal now, yes?  Or as immortal as Thor or Steve, theoretically.) 

The thing is, the Russo’s and Markus and McFeely are really, really good at taking little things and tiny moments and making us know and understand backstory, and showing us how relationships grow and develop in the things we can’t see or don’t have time to see.  These writers/directors...are not.  They suck, frankly.  Who is Mar Vel, what is her relationship with Carol and Maria, what was Carol’s life like in Kree land, why is Maria retired and living in the Bayou, why is Fury on uppers, how did Carol become a Kree, why did they give her the disk control thingy and why doesn’t she take it off, what did they tell her about her past, and most importantly, WTF with the Skrulls and Kree.  How did you manage to tell us how to feel to for an entire movie while also telling us nothing at all.  (Also, The Russo’s and M&M are good with continuity while still writing new things, while these people, are, again, not.  Like, don’t even get me started on the Tesseract.)

And then, okay, when the Kree Team attacks that first planet to save their operative, they are all super specific about making sure the locals don’t get hurt, they protest the innocent, etc.  Gemma Chan immediately pulls up her rifle when they say they are just civilians, Jude Law goes out of his way to put up a shield to protect his dudes and NOT hurt the locals, and he seems sorta grossed out by Ronan and his zealots.  So...wtf with the “all Kree all evil murdered who kill babies and the Skrulls just want to be with their families.”  Like, it’s so fucking tired.  A twist for twist sake, which if you didn’t see that coming...well, that’s on you.  I’d be much more here for “everyone sucks a little bc people can suck sometimes” rather than the shlocky bullshit family reunion I was forced to endure.  The Skrulls were fucking insufferable frankly, and the entire reveal with Talos and the Skrulls from then on was like an embarrassing episode of Stargate.  

And look, I’m not opposed to humor in Marvel movies. I’m not, I swear!  I legit loved both Antman’s, Peter always fills my heart with smiles, and Sam Wilson refusing to move his seat up made me legit cackle.  I don’t like when I feel like the writers spend an entire movie nudging me in the ribs with increasing brutality while screaming “Isn’t it FUNNY THO???”  Because no, dear writers, no it’s not.  And yes, yes I do get the jokes, but good god could we have a minute?  I mean, by the end, the jokes were literally being telegraphed a few 30 seconds before they dropped.  (The Kree scanning people--Cat, High danger level.  I bet Fury’s going to be...oh yeah, hahaha he is a nonexistent threat isn’t that hilaARIOUS?  No, it’s fucking stupid.)  

It was, frankly, awful.  I hated it, so much so that by the end I couldn’t even muster up enough of a Give a Fuck to care that her callsign was Avenger (and I fucking LOVE callsigns) or care that the stinger had all of my children.  I really didn’t.  This movie was so fucking disappointing because it didn’t have to be bad.  It really didn’t.  If they had hired competent writers and directors (I should have known when they hired the Tomb Raider lady this was going to be awful), they could have made it work.  They really, really could have.  And they didn’t and everyone loves it and I’m happy because shitty butthurt fanboys are being legit gross about this and I want them to be crushed by money, but.  I want the next movie to have better writing and better directing because it’s what we deserve.  I don’t want to have to keep settling, because it’s good enough.  

[carterhaughs]

TLJ Analysis (SPOILERS!)

I absolutely loved The Last Jedi. It deepened my understanding of all the characters involved in a way the first movie didn’t, while at the same time making me appreciate the first film more. This film also felt like more of a standalone feature rather than just an installment in a series, which is always a good thing. The Force Awakens functioned mostly as a prelude or an overture of sorts, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but makes for a weaker film. 

I walked away from The Force Awakens liking all the characters but not really feeling like any of them had a particularly strong character arc other than Finn and Kylo. This film remedied that, and then some, adding the wonderful Rose Tico into the mix as well. Looking back on my analysis of Rey in the first film and the things I wanted for the second film, The Last Jedi pretty much checked off the whole list and delivered on all of it, big time:

The spiritual and psychological element of the Force is very important to me and we almost don’t get enough of it in this movie - although I think a lot of that has to do with this being the introduction of these characters, and I think that Daisy and Adam did a really good job with what was included.

All that being said, I needed more quiet moments with Rey because any Force-sensitive character is best-written with a hefty side of introspection. I needed to see more quiet moments in the film in general - slower moving scenes that focused solely on characterization. Nowadays, we don’t get a lot of those in action-adventure franchise movies, and J.J. Abrams rarely includes them in his films, which is his biggest weakness as a director imo. Moments like Han seeing Luke in Rey’s innocent, unbridled wonder when she sees the Resistance base planet covered in trees and says she didn’t think there was so much green in the universe. Rian Johnson, a director-writer, is very good at such moments (as in his film Looper), and I’m counting on him to include many in the next two films, which he is writing (and one of which he’s directing as well).

Also, can I just say that I love being right? I think you all already knew that but I do so love being right. I haven’t talked much about Kylo Ren on this blog bc he’s such a polarizing subject and my hands were full enough dealing with the nastier side of the Rogue One fandom without weighing in on Kylo, but I’m going to quote myself here - this is from my initial analysis right after watching The Force Awakens for the first time (I also analyzed all the other main characters in this post, if you’re interested in reading my takes on them as well) - then, as now, the conflict in him was fully evident:

I was fascinated by Adam Driver’s soulful, wrathful, deeply disturbing portrayal of our new conflicted Dark Sider. He’s embarassed by the very fact that he’s human - he turns away when Hux enters Snoke’s hologram throne room thingy like he can’t bear for anyone to see his actual face. He’d rather be a concept than a flesh and blood human with feelings and we don’t know what drove him to this. Leia absolves Han and herself of guilt, saying it’s Snoke who seduced him to the Dark Side and that Ben had too much of Vader in him. This is confusing to me, as the last thing Vader says to Luke is to tell Leia that Luke was right about there being good in him. Until we know more, I’m going to interpret this as Anakin’s acute vulnerability to the extremes of the Force (because of the whole Chosen One business) being something Ben is susceptible to as well. Snoke did something and Ben ended up killing Luke’s new Jedi Order - bad shit had to have gone down and I want that explored, stat. He’s not a completely soulless monster yet, but if no one intervenes, he soon will be.

Snoke’s final test for him was to kill his father, and he passed that test with tears in his eyes (of anger? of sadistic joy? of love? of all three and other emotions beside?). But his eyes aren’t Sith eyes yet so perhaps there’s further yet for him to fall. He says Rey would be “disappointed” if Han was her real father, but we never hear him speak a word about Leia, and I need his relationship with his parents prior to his fall, as well as his fall itself, to be described. He’s lonely, I think - he asks Rey to allow him to teach her, genuinely desperate to connect with her in spite of his jealousy of Anakin’s lightsaber choosing her. He’s filled with self-loathing (for more reasons than I can fathom - for his perceived emotional weakness, his actual physical weakness, his multiple failures in his pursuit of Rey, and so on) and punches his own wounds as if that will make them go away. I feel like I’ll have more to say about him after another viewing, because Adam’s subtle acting says so much that repeated viewings are a must for thorough analysis.

Now, the Imperials/First Order members are much more intriguing in this film than they were in the original trilogy. They aren’t cynical and above it all, or just trying to get by. They’re true believers.

Ok, see what I mean about being right? Bc damn, was I ever right. Conflict and the balance channeled thereby make up the grey areas of the Force where Rey and Kylo were finally able to meet and connect.

Luke’s arc about failure in this film moved me to tears and among the few issues I had with the film were that we didn’t get to see him continue to teach Rey beyond this film - Mark Hamill was fantastic and the scene between Luke and Force Ghost Yoda was my favorite in the film and resonated with me deeply - the truth of failure as a potent teacher and the role of the master to nurture the student to grow beyond their reach. 

I also wanted more lore from this film - more about the connections between past and present via the ancient Jedi but maybe that would have been too esoteric for general audiences. I’ve been spoiled by Knights of the Old Republic, a video game series in the old Star Wars canon that this film certainly has drawn on (that much is most obviously evident in Kylo Ren’s character design and now in the Force Bond lore and connection between Rey and Kylo - if you are interested in my meta on Revan and Bastila, and then Atton and the Exile and Kreia, you can read all that here and here, respectively).  

In any case, I am raring to go see it again and can’t wait to dive into fic and meta for this film - and as I did with Rogue One, am very much looking forward to contributing my own.

[moiraineswife]

Do you have any Autistic!Rook headcanons you would like to share??

AS IT HAPPENS. I HAVE SEVERAL. BECAUSE THIS AS A CONCEPT DELIGHTED ME WHILE READING. HERE WE GO: 

(I would like to note that i am NOT reading this as a catch-all ‘fair folk in general are autistic’ bc a)- I don’t think they all do, Rook is specific and unique in this regard, and b)- I dislike the idea of just ‘all these inhuman characters are autistic’ bc icky associations with autistics then being inhuman...which we are not) 

ODD DISCLAIMER OVER. ONWARDS AND UPWARDS. 

Rook + Cat Metaphors: 

This sounds like an odd place to start but it was legit my favourite thing. Cats are fairly often associated with autistic people, as it happens, and are a generally more accepted symbol for it than...Other unspeakable things. Not getting into that, though, there were two things that made me die with delight...Which I will now explain: 

And yet looking at Rook Iimagined a cat proudly bringing its master dead chipmunks, only to watch thetwo-legged oaf lift these priceless gifts by the tail and fling them unceremoniously into thebushes.

Cats, like autistic people, generally have their actions/behaviours misunderstood. What they see as giving affection tends to be met with a reaction contrary to what they were expecting. See: above. 

Through it all Rook wore anexpression of aloof perplexity, as a cat might watching its favorite furnitureget moved about without its permission.

This one was The Best. Cats, like autistic people, typically have big problems with change, and can actually become genuinely stressed out/ill with changes in their household being made, such as moving the furniture around. Rook just being ???? ‘why are we doing this’ was too much. 

Then he strode right overand, in one smooth motion, insinuated himself into the bed next to me, facingme, under the covers, with the bold and unselfconscious vanity of a cat sittingdown on an open book.

I can’t explain exactly why this strikes me as being connected to an autistic thing but it just...It just does. and it’s another cat metaphor I deeply enjoy. 

Right, self-indulgent enjoyment of cat metaphors out the way, here are many more things: 

Difficulty Identifying Emotions/Trouble with Social Cues: 

“How can this be,” he said to himself quietly. That wasall it took; I gave a strangled sob. He crouched and scrutinized my face, whichI’m sure at that moment looked anything but attractive. “What do you require?”

Rook being baffled by the human notion of having to cook things is one thing, but the way he scrutinises her is more telling for me. Isobel gets caught up in thinking that she probably doesn’t look too attractive at this moment in time, but I’m pretty sure Rook is just trying to...Figure out wtf she’s feeling/how he should respond to this. And his response is deeply pragmatic. He doesn’t respond to her emotional needs/reactions, purely her practical ones. (There are a LOT of examples of this, I won’t go through them all) 

As an aside here, this is where I think Rook differs from other fair folk, and what tips him onto the spectrum. He isn’t human, so it’s reasonable to assume that human emotions are something he struggles with. But the thing is that the other fair folk who have experience with humans are much better at this than he is. The entire plot revolves around Gadfly knowing Isobel well enough to predict how she’ll respond to his promptings, so he can manipulate her into doing what he wants. 

Lark is also a good example of this. Before meeting Isobel, she had no contact with humans whatsoever. However, in a relatively very short space of time/very limited experience, she’s able to understand Isobel’s reactions/ways of displaying emotion and translate them to recognise other situations they should be used in. (She witnesses Isobel crying, understands it’s a display of sadness/upset, and correctly mimics it during her apology, because she understands that’s an instance where that emotion should/can be correctly applied) 

So the fair folk quite obviously have the capacity for recognising and understanding human emotions, as well as understanding how to respond to them. Rook, however, has definitely had contact with humans before, and has had enough of it to enable him to fall in love with another human before Isobel, but remains utterly hopeless at identifying her emotions. 

He drew in a breath. “I know it’s—wrong, that I care so much aboutthe pin. I can’t explain it. It’s—”

“It isn’t wrong.” My voice was so soft I barely heard myselfspeak. “Rook, it isn’t. It’s just human.”

This I’m saying is an example of Rook not being able to identify his own emotions (alexithmya) which is fairly common among autistic people. (Isobel’s response would be a tiny bit grating if Rook was canon!autistic, but given that he’s not, and given how ‘human emotion’ gets lumped together in this book, I’m dealing with it.) 

I whirled around. “Your blood did this.”

Rook stood watchingme, a conflicting clamor of emotions in his eyes: fascination observing myhuman response. Hope that I would find what he had created beautiful. Andbeneath that, sorrow, as raw as an open wound.

Desperation flashed across his features. He struggled to composehimself, but couldn’t. Finally he turned on his heel and put his back to mewith a dramatic billow of his coattails, drew his sword a few inches, and pretended toinspect the blade.

The way that he ‘observes’ her response, as though learning (which he likely is) consciously how to interpret her...But also the fact he has no idea how to process/regulate/respond to HIS OWN emotions, and that he retreats to something familiar to avoid looking at Isobel, and also to calm himself down. 

“You could offer to sleep on the floor, like a gentleman.”

He appeared horrified by the suggestion.

I love this bit, bc for all the fair folk are very much concerned with politeness and proper behaviour, this one is just...Totally lost on him. Like excuse u why would I offer to sleep on the floor Isobel??? The floor is hard and uncomfortable? How does this prove I am a gentleman? How is this polite??? Isobel I think this is impolite, that you would suggest I sleep on the floor. Do you not like me Isobel??? Do you not want me to be here?? Isobel?????? 

“And I’m not certain you’re in any state to protect me,” I wenton, sensing a lost cause. “Just now you were almost assassinated by a teapot.”

“Isobel.” Rook looked at me gravely. “Isobel, listen. The teapotis of no consequence. I can defeat anyone, at any time.”

“Oh, is that so? That’s the truth?”

“Yes,” he replied.

 I love the teapot line, you love the teapot line, we all love the teapot line. But I just...love the way that he talks. The pattern of it strikes me as an autistic thing. Just the way that he talks. And the very simple answer that he gives ‘yes’ it’s just a kneejerk thing, he doesn’t even think about it. (I know fair folk have to tell the truth, but that doesn’t mean that they have to answer questions like this) 

Especially when this one is definitely rhetorical. Because she knows full well that he’s speaking the truth, because he can’t lie. But this is another missed social cues thing: Isobel asks a question, Rook answers it. 

“Have you ever stopped to think that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should?”

His eyes narrowed. “No,” he said.

 Same thing here. 

Comfort Objects/Stimming: 

He patted at his chest in alarm and then ducked to hunt throughthe wildflowers. This wasn’t the leisurely search of someone who’d lost apocket watch or a handkerchief. Rather, heclawed at the ground with a wide-eyed desperation that could be inspired onlyby the loss of a priceless and irreplaceable treasure. When he found it, hegripped it tightly in his hand. He moved his thumb to the hidden clasp. Butthen he stopped himself, remembering I was there, and started to put it in hispocket instead.

My heart hurt for him. It was painful to watch Rook reduced to this over something so small. He cared moreabout that pin than most people cared about everything they owned in the world.

I know the raven pin has sentimental significance because it was a goodbye present from his lost love, but this just reminds me of the panicked search for a lost comfort object, something which a lot of autistic people have. (Especially with the way his thumb moves towards the clasp even after his found it, which could definitely be a stim, because it’s clearly a habit he uses to soothe himself)  

Speaking of stimming...

His hand had wandered to myhair, and he spread it out on the moss, combingthrough the strands with his fingers until it gleamed as straight and smooth asit could get. It seemed impossible that someone who had lived for hundreds of years and hunted fairybeasts for sport could find this entertaining, but his expression wastransfixed. 

That’s definitely what this is. 

“What a lovely bird,” Irepeated in a syrupy voice. “Yes, you’re the loveliest bird.” I stroked hisback. He made a pleased muttering sound in his breast. Soon his smug silenceindicated that he was quite content to remain as he was, so long as I continuedmy praise.

and this tbh. 

Literal Thinking: 

“Rook,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “before I get up,you have to promise to never touch me again without my permission.”

“I can touch whomever I please.”

“Have you ever stopped to think that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should?”

His eyes narrowed. “No,” he said.

“Well, this is one of those things.” I saw he didn’t understand.“Among humans it’s considered polite,” I added firmly.

A muscle jumped in his cheek, and his smile had faded. “Well, thatdoesn’t sound in the least reasonable. What if you were being attacked, and Ihad to touch you to save your life, but I couldn’t because I needed to requestyour permission first? Lettingyou die wouldn’t be polite.”

“Fine. You can touch me in that case, but every other time youneed to ask.”

 I really love this bit. She knows he doesn’t get what she’s saying, so she rephrases it somewhat to something that he will understand. But I love his response even more. He understands what she’s saying, but he still doesn’t quite GET it. And his brain goes immediately, (and often), to practical thoughts. 

She puts this rule in place, and he immediately starts...Not looking for loopholes, but considering the practical problems that it might pose. What if they’re in danger and he has to save her life? She would never have considered this as being unreasonable, because she would expect him to adapt, and realise that is a situation when it’s acceptable to touch her, because of the risk it poses. But he needs her to accept that as a limitation, and see his way of thinking. And they reach this...Little compromise that weaves through the rest of the story. Which I like a lot. 

Before I could find my voice and ask him to set me down, hedropped me like a hot coal. I landed inthe wildflowers with an undignified whump. Horrified, I squashed my legs together, hunchedinward with my arms clamped over my chest, and stared up at him. He looked asaghast as I did.

“Why did you just—” I began, at the same moment he blurted out:

“You stopped being in peril, and I couldn’t touch you any longer!Are you all right?”

 This harks back to their earlier promise, and poses some potential problems in the literal thinking category because there’s fair folk no lying/keeping promises magic wrapped up in it. But I think it’s still an expression of the way Rook’s mind works. I’m fairly sure other fair folk would have been able to work around their promise by telling themselves Isobel was still in enough danger to merit them touching her (still being naked and vulnerable in the spring court) but Rook is just....Too literal for that. 

“A fire, to start with. Some . . . some branches tomake a spit out of, I suppose. Or maybe we could cut it up and skewer it? I’venever cooked a rabbit outdoors before.” I might as well have started reciting an incantation. “Wood,” Irevised for him. “Some kindling about this size”—I spread my hands—“and a long,thin, sturdy stick with a pointy end.”

“Very well.” He rose. “I will bring you your sticks.”

 This isn’t strictly literal thinking but goddammit I love the ‘I will bring you your sticks’ line. But it also is. Isobel reels off her instructions and he just gets up and off he goes to get her what she needs. No muss, no fuss

. It’s also an example of rigid thinking. Isobel gives him a set of clear, precise instructions, and he follows them to the letter. (And I can get this in with APD, and the struggle to follow verbal lists, given his confusion of her initial explanation of what she needs. Once she gives clear, concise instructions, which she also pairs with a visual demonstration of what she wants, he understands and obeys) 

He halted just as he was about to disappear, shoulders stiff.“Will that be all?”

A devilish part of me wondered how far I could push him. If Ipretended it was necessary for my Craft, could I command him to stand on hishead or turn in a circle threetimes while he prepared the hare? Only my empty stomach’s increasingly urgentdemands prevented me from having some fun at his expense. “For now,” I replied.

 She probably could have done tbh. Not to say Rook, or autistic people, are incapable of critical thought but it’s more...A combination of literal thinking, and the struggle with reading people’s intentions. Isobel knows about this thing, and he does not, he has no reason to assume she would lie about what she needs, and without any knowledge of the required steps involved in cooking, and also without the inclination to suspect Isobel of having any intentions that aren’t purely practical/are in any way malicious, he’d probably be inclined to do whatever she asked, see: ‘I will bring you your sticks’. 

Organisation/Piling: 

However, as I crunched afterhim through the brambles, which disintegrated at a touch, my eyes fell on theneat pile of twigs and leaves he had taken from my hair—and despite myself Ismiled.

I love this little detail, too. Because not only did he pick the twigs and leaves out of her hair, but he further felt the need to pile them up neatly instead of just dumping them on the ground as twigs and leaves tend to be. This one is a little stereotypical but it’s also not false (and is a thing i know I would unconsciously do as well, so you know...) 

Difficulty With Empathy/Responding to Emotional Upheval: 

Grief smashed through my final defenses like a battering ram. Igave a strangled sob, so tired I couldn’t tell if my scratchy, aching eyes owedthemselves more to exhaustion or tears.

Rook sank onto the end of thesettee. He hesitated, then peeled his coat off and laid it over me. It was warmand smelled of him. Overwhelmed by his gentleness, I began weeping again inearnest. He drew back in alarm, clearly thinking he’d made things worse.

“Er,” he said. He patted the nearest part of me he could reach,which was my foot. “I apologize for . . . that. If you wouldstop crying now,” he added, a trifle desperately,with a note of princely command.

 This was the part that officially finished me. He knows Isobel is upset, and that he should do something to help/wants to help, but isn’t quite sure what to do. He also misreads her renewed crying, assuming that he’d done the wrong thing in giving her his coat. And then we reach the foot patting which is just...A hilarious ‘rules gone wrong’ type thing (Internal Rule: Human is upset - pat the human, this makes them better. Application: *Rook pats Isobel’s foot* A+++ Comfort Skills) 

And it’s all topped off by ‘If you would stop crying now’ which is just....The most wonderful response to a crying person EVER (and also mirrored in the way he orders her to get control of herself when she’s laughing hysterically over the hare incident near the beginning of the book). The desperation is perfect too, it’s like, I know this crying is an expression of your upset, and I don’t want that to be the case, I don’t know what to do, it’s making me uncomfortable please stop I don’t know how else to help you. 

The confusion in ‘I apologize for...that’ is good too bc he’s like ???? Isobel ???? Isobel what am I apologising for????? Isobel I did the right thing ???? Isobel why are you like this I do not understand. 

(the princely command is amazing too, like, maybe if I give it as an order that’ll work. Like we have transcended comfort here, he tried that, that didn’t work, now he’s just moving on to other ways of dealing with a situation. Which is grand in a practical problem but...Not ideal when it comes to emotional ones) 

OKAY. I THINK THAT’S ENOUGH TO BE GOING ALONG WITH. 

TL;DR: Rook is my precious autistic bean and this headcanon improved my enjoyment of this book by approximately 10000% bc god bless characters I can relate to on this level tbh. 

((As a fun side note: I also read Isobel as autistic, and did so before I did Rook. I think if she wasn’t set beside Rook, this would be far more obvious, but it’s still there with her. And honestly, I’m tripping over hc rep in this book and I’m Delighted. BLESS U FOR THIS QUESTION)) 

[piduai]

What do you think of Farnese/Casca as a ship?

muh feminism and muh lesbianism and whatnot but when i consume manime and manime-adjacent media like berserk and, say, ryuu ga gotoku i switch the part of my brain that is responsible for hot takes such as “women are people too actually” and “writing women like this is insulting, dehumanizing and hurtful” or “male writers should be forcibly lobotomized” if i want to enjoy it because it can compensate its astronomical, violent, mind-boggling misogyny with things i do like otherwise. high stakes etc. i have no hopes and no expectations from Female Characters(tm) when it comes to manime. men hate women and there’s little to be done about it. i don’t pay for this shit and i avoid the fans like the plague anyway so i may as well get over it and conveniently ignore things that have the potential to sour me.

not everyone is like me, though, and people on here like redeeming dumb shit all the time, or perhaps like humoring the delusion that not everything is as hopeless as it seems (it’s worse than it seems), or virtue signaling as an act of itself gives them an incredible high, i don’t know. i think the combination of these led to something as abysmal as the birth of this ship. do not get me wrong, it’s none of my business how people choose to cope, and if they desperately want a lesbian ship in BERSERK(!) of all things then uh... ok? you do you queen. but i find it bizarre. 

casca is uh, casca. there’s so much to be told about her that i’d rather not say anything. farnese was introduced as mildly interesting, she even used to have a personality out of her affiliation with serpico (wow), but then she met guts and Turned Good because craving paenis, and especially the one who belongs to such a mighty specimen, just does this to a woman. her “character development” was defanging her and stripping her of the two or three personality traits she seemed to possess in the beginning. isn’t it cruel? now she’s brooding and anxious and awkward. she was reduced to lowkey despising casca for being the object (barf) of guts’s affection (barf) while also taking the role of her caretaker, not a merry fate by any means. shipping a mentally regressed person with her caretaker seems weird to me, although i’m sure that the people who are into it ship it as a version of casca being healed and suddenly deciding she needs a woman’s embrace (bc god forbid we express a problematic concept here. as we all know berserk is very ideologically pure and wholesome).

besides both casca and farnese are painfully straight and obviously boy-crazy. you expect me to believe, realistically, that they’d have a relationship exceeding wine dinners, the way straight women bond with each other? please.

again when it comes to this kind of media i switch off my feminist brain and go with the flow, and the only thing i care about in this manga is griffith/griffguts so my memories of anything beyond the golden age arc are vague at best, but farnese never struck me as particularly intriguing anyhow. miura used up all of his writing potential on pre-eclipse griffith and then his head went blank and has stayed blank, reason he put up nothing but stupid garbage ever since. i’m not caught up with the manga either so i have no idea what’s going on + do not care. people who do, though, fascinate me, not gonna lie.

[serenagaywaterford]

16) another thing that connected them in S2. Motherhood. Which is weird. Bc Serena is delusional about Nicole being hers. k) "how nobody really paid proper attention when it was building."And I mean, isn't this INCREDIBLY realistic and terrifying? Being inactive, indifferent about others and especially apolitical and undermining the threat...History is like a circle, always repeating itself in the end. I may be critical of the series, but its political observations are always on point. Like

17) that episode where June is separated from Hannah (at the same time the US-Mexico border crossing takes place). l) "Nobody deserves what those women get but it’s important to think critically about these characters and if June recognises she was idle until it was too late, I think as viewers we should be able to say the same" June makes it VERY clear that she feels guilty about i. her last interactions with her mother, ii. her inactivity. That's not victim blaming. It goes WITHOUT saying that

18) that NO woman deserves Gilead. Period. m) "Although I am also someone who counts restorative justice as a viable option for some crimes. I don’t think punitive/retributive justice is always the answer." As if I didn't have enough reasons to like you. I'm with you and I hear you. However, I do understand that some methods are not very feasible IRL due to various limitations. Back to Serena. What do you think will happen to her on the show? Will she survive Gilead's destruction? Will she stand

19) a democratic trial for her crimes? Will she get killed before Gilead goes down? Will she get lynched by an angry mob? I think I'd like it if the series dived more into the dark subjects of mob mentality and eye-for-an-eye types of punishment, but with flipped roles. Sth along the lines of "Can some victims (and their families) become as cruel as the Gilead!criminals in their quest for revenge?" There are the particicutions and Emily's arc, but still. n) "Maybe you have a theory? It’s one of

20) those things I don’t get. Is it cos she’s jealous June has a child and she doesn’t? Is it just a power play thing?" I think it's a combination of both actually. In S1, it's clearly the latter. Serena's being cruel and manipulative: she lets Hannah briefly see her child in order to emotionally torture her. But in S2? It's mostly the former. Obviously, Serena is envious of June's pregnancy, why wouldn't she be of Hannah? Especially given that Hannah (unlike Nicole) comes from a happier place

21) time in June's life. (Aka "God has blessed this /immoral-sinful/ woman with 2 children, why not me?" That must stink.) Another reason that she denies her that time is bc she feels betrayed that her prisoner tries to manipulate her, instead of befriend her. *eye roll* Duh, Serena. (Aka "After everything I've done for her and this is how she repays me." Bitch. You've done NOTHING. Try again.) Her desire to connect with sb, bc she doesn't have anything/anyone left anymore, makes her

22) desperate and a little naive/dumb, lol.

---------

I am so onboard with k) to m)! I can’t really add anything more of value (or interest) lol cos to me it just seems so obvious. I don’t know why some people miss it. Although I think EVERYBODY was sort of knocked sideways by how relevant the Hannah/June thing was with current US events. Hit a little too close to home. And GOOD.

You’re very right. Restorative justice is limited by a lot of things, but in theory, I do find it a positive angle to approach some kinds of crime. It’s a small scale sort of thing, generally, and very time and effort intensive process.

As for Serena’s fate... OHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh. Sometimes I don’t like to think that far down the line cos I honestly do not see her getting anything even remotely happy. How she ultimately is dealt with, I don’t know. It really depends on the points the show wants to make. Will it be hopeful, will it be retributive, will it be melodramatic, will it be depressing af? Do they care about how angry viewers will be? Do they have enough for Serena to DO to make it to the final seasons or will her usefulness as a character expire early? (I’d wager they’d want to keep Yvonne around as long as possible but I’m biased.)

Personally, I suspect she’ll be held accountable in a democratic legal system. Although the thing that makes me pause is how Tuello suggested she defect. He very much presented an idyllic future. Now, it could have been a lie to trick her into turning herself over to the (remaining) US for punishment. But, on the other hand, they seem to REALLY want her propaganda. I don’t totally doubt that they see Serena as more valuable as a source of intel/propaganda than to hold her accountable. At this stage, arresting and sentencing her for her crimes wouldn’t really accomplish much for the US yet in the grande scheme of things. IMO, anyway. She seems a better asset for them than a convict or POW locked away/dead somewhere. 

>> “Will she get lynched by an angry mob? I think I'd like it if the series dived more into the dark subjects of mob mentality and eye-for-an-eye types of punishment, but with flipped roles. Sth along the lines of "Can some victims (and their families) become as cruel as the Gilead!criminals in their quest for revenge?" There are the particicutions and Emily's arc, but still."

I fucking LOVE this approach. It’s something I’ve rolled around with for quite a while. If you’re going to deal with mob mentality in terms of the creation and continuation of a fascist system, what about the other side of human reality? Mob mentality can easily swing the other way with the right tinder and spark. Like, we see absolutely justified anger and disgust by survivors/refugees in Canada and then comes the question of what constitutes reasonable reaction to such a repulsive regime. Is violent mob revenge the answer? (I honestly can’t make that determination. I’ve never been in anything remotely like war or fascism.) Maybe it is. Maybe it’s not. And it is the sort of thing I think THT could deal with. Like you said, it’s sort of touched upon with Emily. But put that on a large scale. Is violence sometimes the answer? Is war the only answer with totalitarian regimes? How to you truly hold war criminals responsible?

Of course there would be viewers praising a mob if they kill Serena. I’ve seen people admit as much on this hellsite. (I dunno if I can make a judgement on that either but I personally find that perspective incredibly problematic. But it begs the question: what is justice then?) I think it would be incredibly disturbing to see. Yet, I’m also someone who thought June should have shot them lol. (Not really truly. But I felt the urge to see it during that episode--when I got over the fact the box she was opening wasn’t actually crackers but shotgun shells lol. But it really doesn’t fit with June’s character. Like she considers killing Serena more than once (3 times IIRC), but never does because it’s simply not right and she’s not that sort of person.)

Personally speaking, I don’t want Serena killed. Other characters, I hope die in painful ways. *coughfredcough* *coughallthemeninpowercough* But having her killed by a mob would be quite impactful. And not, imo, all that unrealistic. I just don’t want it. I don’t need absolutely everything to be brutally honest and realistic. Gimme some of that feelgood hope lmao.

>> Another reason that she denies her that time is bc she feels betrayed that her prisoner tries to manipulate her, instead of befriend her. *eye roll* Duh, Serena. (Aka "After everything I've done for her and this is how she repays me." Bitch. You've done NOTHING. Try again.) Her desire to connect with sb, bc she doesn't have anything/anyone left anymore, makes her 22) desperate and a little naive/dumb, lol.

WORD, LMAO. TO EVERY SINGLE WORD re: Serena/Hannah/etc. (ITA agree and thank you for your perspective on the Hannah thing!) 

Like she’s so delusional/in such denial. Serena, girl, you’ve done literally nothing of actual substance for her and often times went out of your way to make things 100x more miserable for her and then wonder why she won’t be your BFF? Just cos you think your jail warden is your friend (Fred), doesn’t mean it’s actually true and transferable.

(I love it? (Not in the way that I think it’s good, morally. Just story/character-wise. It’s so interesting to me how weird and sad she is sometimes.))

In a way I actually feel sorry for Serena, even if she did get herself into this disaster, and she’s perpetuated it in the worse possible way she could. (She’s so unbelievably cruel, esp in S1, and then throws a tantrum when June doesn’t just fall into her arms, so to speak. C’mon, lady.) I think that's what I love about her character. She’s so wrong on so many levels, but she still evokes quite strong feelings the other way as well. Like, her growing desperation and loneliness and need for connection as Gilead goes on is actually... sad? I know many, many fans who bristle and word-vomit at just the suggestion of any such feelings towards her.

I dunno. I’m an idiot and a sucker cos I think when she actually connects with June (and loses the insecurity/jealousy), there’s a whole other person. It’s really fascinating how she changes. And switches back and forth. (Yeah, yeah, I’ve read the criticisms that that’s typical abuser behaviour but... ah. Like I said, me=sucker. I won’t deny I totally understand it but. Gah. I think it’s more complex. Am I woobifying? Yikes. I hope not.)